Here we go again.

It's nearly that time again.  Where does the time go?  It seems like just yesterday when our first born walked the stage and now we are nearing that time again.  You would think I would be a pro at this by now but the feeling is so different, yet so similar.  It's like I am going through this for the first time but I am also familiar of that "done" feeling.  We invested 12 years of waking up early, getting out the door on time, doing homework, packing lunches,  going on field trips, experiencing sadness, joy, and frustration, and in one brief moment it all comes to an end.  Now what?

For our firstborn in the last year we have watched him come out of his shell.  Things he struggled with are now a walk in the park.  Things we never thought he would accomplish ... HE has!  We are not entirely sure where his path may go but we are so proud of him for making the right choices.  He is cautious and questionable.  He is mature enough to see the concerns we have for his siblings and understand them. He has to test the waters before diving in. He is kind and considerate and oh so stubborn in his ways.  He brings a smile to our face with his wacky words and gestures.  I know that God has plans for him.  He just needs to see that for himself.  
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Time

There is something about this picture that keeps bringing me back to it.  I could probably stare at it for hours.  Seeing my oldest son sitting on that chair with broad shoulders ... When did this happen?

I don't have to be facing him to know that he is nervous.  So many thoughts come to my mind as I soak in everything this photo is saying to me.

Look how far we have come!

The little tender boy who was always so full of fear and anxiety has grown into a man.  As I took his hands in mine yesterday, he thought I was nuts and awkwardly laughed at me.  I told him how proud I was of him.  I probably haven't said it as much as I should.  Thoughts of us being hard on him pick away at my soul.  We are hard on him!  We have always wanted the best for him. Raising kids is not an easy task.  Raising first borns who are strong willed, and challenged by learning blocks can be even more difficult, but we are doing it.  For 12 years we have pulled ourselves through hurdle after hurdle.  This young man has overcome so many obstacles.  Every time he felt fear, anger, frustration, and discouragement, we felt it with him.  every time he tried to give up, we reminded him of his worth.  We fought hard for him, reminding him that even though he felt like throwing in the towel, we were not.  Even though teachers told us that he wouldn't graduate, we reminded him that he could!  We were not going to give up on him as easily as he was going to give up on himself.

Look at the man he has become!    

Even now, at the age of 18, I can still hear the same tone that he had in his voice when he was 5 ... The way he talks to his siblings ... His laugh.  He may act strong in situations where he needs to be but deep down his heart is still as tender as it was when he was little.  He has felt the sting of grief, experienced the aftermath of a harsh insult, yet he is strong and confident.  He is finding himself.  He has gone from the shy kid who had difficulties in social settings to dancing and acting like a clown on social media.  Every day I am amazed at how he is maturing and adjusting to "life".

We are so proud of the man he is and the man he is becoming.

"What if I Fall? Oh, but my son, what if you Fly?"

"Be weird.  Be Random.  Be who you are.  Because you never know who would love the person you hide." ~ C.S Lewis